Photo by Leah Newhouse
Bob and Alice - Anti-Design Patterns in Life, Love and Tech will soon be a book. Join other smart people who absolutely love Bob and Alice today.
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Introduction
Alice dreams of the tall bald man again.
The Giganet team hit a wall after a string of wins.
We meet a new anti-design pattern: Recoil
Early morning crossfit with a psychopath
It’s Tuesdays with Bob and Alice at the gym in Venice.
Bob had a 6:00 crossfit class with Sol. Sol, the fifth daughter of musical hippie parents, was a cheerful, high energy psychopath. Taking them to the edge, but vigilant with their safety.
What Alice did, she walked into the gym, put her bag with work clothes into a locker. Today, she needed an early start and clear mind, before going downtown into the office and jumping into a big convoluted case with Columbians, drugs, money-laundering and suspected terror-financing channels with Hamas.
She looks around.
Early morning light streams down the warm walls in shimmering lemon torrents, touching gym equipment that responds with a bluish-gold reflection.
Doesn’t see Bob.
She walks over to the big CrossFit training gym and peeks through the window in the door.
The box is completely equipped with barbells, dumbbells, pull-up bars, jump ropes, kettlebells, medicine balls, and rowing machines, which Sol uses in her CrossFit workouts.
Alice sees Sol applauding her class, a dozen guys and gals on mats, cooling down with yoga moves.
She hangs out by the door.
After a few minutes, the class empties out.
She sees Bob and smiles, “Hey”,
Bob smiles, “Hey”.
Alice, “How was it?”
Bob, “Sol is tough. She pushes us to our limits. I’m going out now for a swim”.
Alice, “Good for you, Bob, I could never do crossfit, let me walk you down to the beach”.
They walk in silence to the beach. Each deep in thought.
Bob, “You know, we need to talk. I feel worthless. I don’t know what’s going on”.
Alice, “I agree. We should talk. You go swim, get away from whatever’s bothering you. I have to get in my reps”.
They stand by each other for a moment.
As they stand together, the rhythm of the Pacific surf is background to their moment. Her shampoo—a blend of jasmine and vanilla stirs a warmth in him. She graces his cheek with a fleeting kiss, a sense of intimacy, then pivots back to return to the gym.
Giganet
Giganet is SaaS for companies who employ gig workers in California.
The Giganet team are at the studio apartment facing Venice beach, celebrating their third straight win.
The co-founders, Barry and Iris, brought in Bob to develop the cloud system after the three of them lost their jobs in the big tech job cuts in 2023. Iris saw an opportunity and decided to take it.
In Jan 2020, California Assembly Bill 5 (AB5) required companies to reclassify independent contractors as employees, entitling them to benefits like a minimum wage, expense reimbursements, and health insurance.
For Federal tax reporting, California gig workers need to file a 1099-K form to the IRS even though they are employees in California.
It’s messy and expensive for workers and employers.
Giganet collects work hours from gig-worker smart watches and produces all the reports for California state and Federal reporting. The customer can set up contracts and export data to payroll.
As Barry likes to say, "Giganet Fast-Tracks Your Gig Payroll”.
Two weeks after closing their third big deal in a row, the team is sitting around in a circle in the living room executing the Check-In protocol. Iris will debrief the team, what went well, what needs improvement.
Barry - co-founder and VP Sales, Tony Soprano look, olive polo shirt, khaki slacks, casual sneakers. Breitling.
Iris - co-founder and CEO, sleeveless black shirt, designer-ripped jeans, black stilettos. Reading glasses on her nose.
Bob - Silicon Valley CTO look, Giganet-branded T-shirt, jeans and Allbirds. Suunto Vertical sports watch.
Lena - full-stack engineer, GI-Jane style, spiky blonde hair, ice-clear green eyes. She worked in Bob’s group at Google. Went to San Jose State with Yasmin.
Yasmin - kernel developer responsible for the communications layers that collect and process data from smart watches. Yasmin is wearing a Black Sofia blazer and Milan stovepipe jeans from L’Agence on Rodeo. Worked for Mark at Google.
She came back to LA after being fired from Google. Her parents want her to marry a good Persian boy. She’s dating Amir, a Persian in LA real-estate, who likes to buy her expensive clothes. Hardly dents his Visa Signature.
Pesya - their jolly hacker matriarch, thinking about going to the gym and losing weight but more interested in finding zero-day exploits. Fired along with Mark that day in 2023 when Google fired 12,000 people. She came back to LA to be close to her grandchildren.
Pesya, Yasmin and Lena ate lunch together at Google. An improbable trio of friends.
Justin - QA, Korean streetwear, baggy pants and hoodie. New Comp-Sci grad from Santa Monica College. Hired from an ad in CraigsList, 3 days after graduation. Sharp and hard-working.
Check-In
Before they start, they all turn off their phones and Check-In.
Bob doesn’t believe in Agile. He believes in writing great software and the team members supporting each other and customers. The team uses the Check-in protocol for team meetings.
The Check-In protocol helps team members communicate emotions and build trust openly.
A team member can Pass, Check In or Check Out. Here’s how it works:
Pass: Participants can choose to pass if they prefer not to share at this time. They can decide to check in later if they change their mind during the round.
Share Your Status: Participants state their current feelings from among a set list of emotions. The basic emotions include "mad," "sad," "glad," and "afraid." Participants may share more about why they feel that way but are not required to do so.
Check Out: If a participant is too emotionally charged to participate productively, they can choose to "check out" and take a break until they feel ready to re-engage with the group constructively.
Complete the Check-In: A participant finishes their check-in by saying "I'm in," indicating they are present, focused, and ready to contribute to the team's objectives.
Bob, “Let’s check-in and share how you feel about right now before Iris jumps into the debriefing”.
Barry, “I’m in. Sad”.
Iris, “I’m in. Depressed”.
Yasmin, “I’m in. Undefined”.
Lena, “I’m in. Sad”.
Justin, “I’m in. Sad”.
Pesya, “I’m in. Happy”.
Bob, “I’m in. Worthless”.
Iris, “I don’t know what to say. Last week we were on cloud nine and celebrating our awesome greatness after a year of hard work. Today - we’re depressed and worthless? I don’t understand what’s going on”.
Recoil anti-pattern
Recoil happens to a lot of high-performing people in business and sports.
A week after a big win, you experience a feeling of hopelessness, anxiety, guilt.
It’s like a critic in your head, “Don’t get used to success. If you get used to feeling good, think how disappointed you’ll be when everything fails. Like it always eventually does. Feeling good is not how we do things around here”.
Why does Recoil happen?
When you achieve something of massive importance, you have a dopamine high.
In response to rewarding stimuli, such as achieving that massive goal, dopamine is released from neurons in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the brain.
The released dopamine travels to various brain regions, including the nucleus accumbens and the prefrontal cortex, activating the reward pathways. This activation is associated with feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.
When the reward stimuli stop generating dopamine, the critic in your head starts up with you.
Last week, you were invincible. This week, you are worthless.
With great expectations comes great risk. The more joy, the more the risk of Recoil.
It’s like a hangover after getting drunk.
People will tell you to step back, slow down, and be more “realistic” about your life and your objectives.
Let’s admit it - slowing down and being realistic doesn't make you feel better and doesn’t bring back the greatness you had last week after the big win.
The solution?
Don’t be realistic, and don’t slow down.
Get angry. Get Help. Commit to greatness again.
Anger will motivate you to drop your fake negative beliefs.
Get help. Ask a friend for help in sustaining your drive to greatness. Your friend will gain from being trusted and from having the chance to deal with his own Recoil from your experience.
Commit to greatness. Anger and help should provide the momentum you need to break the Recoil anti-pattern.
The question is - how do you keep your commitment to achieve greatness for yourself and for your team?
The more you tap into your anger and commit to your life, the shorter your episodes with Recoil. Over time, and with practice, you will purge Recoil.
With thanks to Jim and Michele McCarthy - The Core Protocols
On a park bench in Venice CA
It is a sweet and oppressive summer evening, there is a spicy aroma of acacias, and a moon filled with an unwavering, irresistible light shining over a dark sea.
Alice dreams she is on a park bench with a tall, bald man, 60-something.
The tall bald man was the one who began. He has a friendly, warm, and caring demeanor.
He introduces himself, “My name is Mark”.
She replies, “I know. I am Alice”.
Alice feels strangely secure and comfortable with Mark, like they were old friends.
Mark, “Alice, how are you? What’s new at the FBI, and with Bob?”.
The tall bald man remained silent as they sat on the park bench.
In front of them there was the green calm of the park in front of the Venice boardwalk.
A woman hungry for answers, must stock up on patience.
A man in possession of analytical skills needs to listen.
That is why Mark remained silent.
Mark listened carefully to Alice.
Alice, “FBI is good. I am working on a big case. I saw Bob this morning”.
Mark smiled and asked, “Nice - how was it?”.
Alice, “He said he was feeling worthless. It frightened me”.
Alice trusts Mark and asks, “What should I do?”
Mark smiles, “There are 3 anti-design patterns going on here. I need to explain them to you
We’ll figure out what to do.”.
And she wakes up before Mark can answer.